Red Lipstick

I Left Vermont for a few days for different scenery, different distractions.  And it worked somewhat, seeing wonderful people that we haven't seen in months, catching up on what everyone is up to, talking kids and gardens and weather.  But I still can't go too long into a conversation about Mom without feeling the tears well up and the stomach pain. I have to stop.

I am ready to go home. To go back to where I left off, back to the place where I feel that I have more of a connection to her.  Touch her purse, or sweater, kiss her picture.  God how I miss her...

It has been 4 weeks. 4 absolutely pain-filled, heart-wretching weeks. 

I also go back to work on Tuesday. Not really looking forward to that; not that the people aren't wonderful because they are, and they have been so good to me.  It just is hard to know that I have to face people.  That is so tough, cause people want to give you their condolences, want to tell you how wonderful a person she is, but all I can do is break down when they say something to me knowing just how much we have lost.  I do appreciate the sentiments for sure but I just am so fragile right now. 

I love my Mother more than words could ever express.  She is such a driving force in my life, my development.  And I am proud to say, I am my Mother.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to wear lipstick and not just a shiny pink gloss but a real bright red shade; like Cliniques' Vintage Wine or Angel Red.  And I totally remember how that came about.  And it was not some fashion magazine but from when I was a little girl watching my Mom putting on her red lipstick and always thinking how beautiful she was.  And I would say that when I grow up, I am going to wear lipstick just like my Mom.  And I do...

I am ready to go home.  I need to be around her house, her garden.  I need to recharge my soul by filling it with what she saw, where she walked.  I need to put on my red lipstick.