It's The Little Things

I have your knife.  I brought it home with me.  I hold it tightly in my hand when I use it.  And I remember you all the time when I do.  This knife reminds me of you; it has memories of you.

It is the little things.

I remember going over to your house sometimes and you would be having a snack or finishing up dinner and you would use "your knife".  I remember how you held it.  I remember how you would use it to spread butter on your crackers.  I remember how you would scoop out your favorite peanut butter with it for your toast and then add your favorite jelly; raspberry.  I remember that.  I need that knife.  I took it.  I use it.  I hold it the same way you did.  I love that knife.  I love the memories that it holds for me. 

It is the little things.

I have a pair of your socks. I found them on your bureau.  It took them with me.  I wear them now on my feet hoping that they will touch the same place that your feet touched in them.  I hold them very dear to me. 

It is the little things.

I love to walk through your house like you did, always on a mission.  Walking with a purpose of getting somewhere.  The heavy thump of your footsteps (even though you were a little thing) still resonate in my head.   I close my eyes sometimes, listening, trying to hit just the right section on the floor to make that hollow sound it made for you.  I love hearing that sound. 

It is the little things.

I love talking to Keira the way you would and knowing that she was your buddy, your dog.  I love giving her a cookie when she comes in like a good dog and using my low voice, like you did when she won't come it.  I love giving Keira all the love that you would as you loved your dog unconditionally.  Even though we would think Keira was a pain in the ass sometimes, I know see what you saw in those big black eyes.  You loved each other totally. 

It is the little things.

I love remembering how devoted you were to your family, how you gave and gave and gave and never thought twice about it.  How you were your happiest when you were giving something to someone.  I love that you thought nothing of giving to others before you EVER thought of giving to yourself.  I love telling people what a remarkable woman you are; what an inspiration you have been on your family and what a legacy you have left for us. 

It is a big thing.

I remember your selflessness; your total and utter ability to completely amaze me and make me aspire to try to live my life as generous as you did.  You gave to every person, animal, gathering, anything and just did it because it is the caring thing to do .  I remember how you ALWAYS kept in contact with people.  You were so great about that.  You would write letters to your cousin or long-distance friends or family members.  You knew how important it was to keep in touch with people and how to make them feel so special by you making the effort to stay in contact with them.  You felt people.  You have great empathy and compassion; a loving, loving woman.

It is a big thing.

You also had tremendous courage.  You were/are the strongest, person that I have ever known.  Honestly.  You did not have the easiest of life but you made it look easy.  You would never let it get you down.  You always rose above and kept going.  You are a fighter, a true Hurlburt.  You had the guts, grit and determination to move things no matter what.  You are an incredible role model and your persona lives on in each of your children.  THAT Catherine, is one of the best things that you could have given to us.  We love your determination, sometimes that stubborn Hurlburt-ness.  We all have it, it is whether we admit it or not.  But we always know that we can get to where we need to go because we have a great template to follow.

It is a big thing.

I miss our days together, going over to your house nearly every day to see what you were up to.  What you were working on.  I miss just sitting there and watching tv with you.  Or talking about what the latest news on someone was.  I miss making you laugh or seeing you smile.  I miss just watching you from the corner of my eye to just look at you. 

It is the little things that make big things.

I remember when I was a young girl, maybe around 10 or 11ish.  I remember that I always gave you and Dad a kiss goodnight.  I remember kissing you on the cheek and you would lean toward me, kinda pucker up and make the sound that people make when you call a cat.  I remember that so well.  But later, I remember that I was starting to feel like I was getting older and that I probably shouldn't be giving you kisses every night on your cheek. And I remember this terrible internal struggle that I was having one night on whether I should kiss you or not.   I probably sat there for about a half an hour while you sat in your chair watching tv.  I would look at you and I was thinking about whether I could muster up the courage to give you a kiss.  I was so afraid that I was being childish.  I finally got up and rushed to a side of the chair before I could change my mind and gave you a kiss on the cheek and you leaned in toward me, did your cat sound and then I rushed upstairs.  I felt so relieved that I gave you that kiss.  It gave me comfort that night.

It is the little things that make big things.

I wish that I could kiss that soft, pink cheek of yours again.  I wouldn't hesitate like I did when I was a child.  I know now how much you gave to us when we were children and I know how much you loved us then and now.  Although I never doubted it, I just keep getting reminded of it.  And I love you so very much.  It is the little things, and the little things that make the big things.  XXXX.