For the Love of Family

Yesterday, November 13th was a beautiful Fall day.  I was able to go outside and do some yard work.  I have not been up to doing that in a long time, and my gardens sure looked like they had been neglected.  And I thought of Mom most of the time.  And I think back to when my Mom lost her Mom, my Grandmother.  She was about my age now.  She was so strong during that time.  She seemed to pick herself right back up, never skip a beat. I am not sure how she did it, I think that part of it was that she was from an era that you just kept going.  Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  I cannot do that.  I am not strong like her.

I am still so crushed by this loss.  What is wrong with me?  I thought I was so strong and independent; thought I was just like her.  But come to find out her strength surpassed me. She is such a force.

I remember my Grandmother's funeral.  I remember my Mother before and after Grandma's death; my mother kept it together.  She helped her sister, my Aunt Irene, with the funeral preparations; she helped take care of her father, Shirl Ovitt, when he was left alone after Gram died.  I remember coming to Vermont to visit my family and my mother would go get my Grandfather at his house in East Middlebury to bring him over to have dinner with her.  Then she would take him home.  I remember saying to her how do you do this and work and sleep and keep your house and, and, and...  And she responded that this is her father and she loved him and it is what she wanted to do and what was right.  She helped take good care of him after my Grandmother passed.  I appreciated that then, and I appreciate AND understand it now.

We have a great video somewhere here of my Grandfather Shirl spending Christmas at our house after Gram died.  He was a such a funny guy.  I can see why Mom wanted him around so much.  I get what my mother did and I respect her so much for what she did. 

But the strength that she had, just blows me away.  I think back and just am humbled:

She had 5 children in six years.  She worked to the day for each of them.  She was working at the old Topp's Restaurant in Middlebury (now where Breadloaf Construction is located) when she had my oldest brother, Earl.  She told me that she was cleaning up while in labor with him.  She went to the hospital AFTER she was done with her work.  She came home after each child was born and went pretty much right back to work.  No questions, no discussion, that just what you did. She raised her family well and that is why her children have such a work ethic because of her and my Dad.  Nothing is for free and if you want something you gotta work for it she would say.

She also worked very hard in her and Dad's vegetable garden.  It was the most incredible garden.  At the time, we didn't think it was the most incredible garden; trust me, we hated it.  That was because we HAD to do chores.  We had to help with all the work of planting a garden; from laying down fertilizer, to tilling, to planting, to watering, to weeding, to picking, to help canning, to putting it to bed in the Fall.  And the garden was huge.  The garden took up most of what is their backyard right now.  The food that was produced was what we ate for the winter.  So we had to have a good garden.  There is this picture of us standing in front of the garden; what a riot, we all look like some rag-a-muffin kids.  We all laugh so much when we see that picture.  Mom did too.  She knew what we went through in our younger years.  But that's just the way it was.

As I was the youngest, and when all the other kids were in school, I was able to go with my mother to where she worked.  I was very lucky, I was able to see what she did everyday.  I was able to be with her everyday before I was in school.  That was a very precious time for me.  She would take me and I would help her with her work. Then she would let me watch a little TV and get me some kinda treat.  When I was older and in high school, I was able to ride to high school and back with Mom after she got out of work.  I would go shopping with her everyday after work at Greg's, actually it was Stan's Market then; Stan Stefanski. 

When I graduated from High School, I was engaged (too young stupid girl) and my mother, although never said don't do it said instead, "...you know, you really should live with someone before you marry them, you never really know someone til you live with them."  Well I did then live with him and soon after moved out.  She was so right.  I then moved to Rochester, NY, because of someone special in my life.  She too never said anything negative but always supported my decisions.  I was very young now that I look back at that time.  I had nothing then, no money, no car.  I walked everywhere and live with the most minimal of things.  I called one day and said that I wanted to move back home.   So the very next day she drove 7 hours to pick me up with my Dad, then we turned around and drove 7 hours back.  I will never forget what she had done for me then.  And I will never forget what she has done for me in my life. 

I guess that is why I am so crushed by the loss of her.  I can never give back everything that I believe I owe her.  Even though I know exactly what she would say..."you kids have given me so much and that I am so blessed with you." 

So history repeats itself.  I will help take care of my father with my family and make sure that he is taken care of because this is my father and that I love him and it is what I want to do and what is right.

I get it Mom, you were right.  Thank you again, and again, and again...