I had my first dream of my Mother last night. It was brief, a few seconds. But the weird part is that I don't remember seeing her only hearing her voice. I woke up calm and unsure of what to think. I am still at that point.
I also went to a florist because I was looking to see what could be made up to put on Mom's grave for the winter season. Unfortunately, not much. However, I asked them if they could put together some greens with holly, and some other reds to make it seasonal. I picked it up and it is lovely. Mom would have loved it but hated that I spent money on her like that. I had it at Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving. It really was nice on the table.
Thanksgiving was busy for me. Which probably was a good thing. I took the morning shift with Dad and began some cooking over there. I cleaned the house and porch (where we were to have lunch) and set the table and did all kinds of stuff to keep me occupied. Marcel Paul took over Mom's role of cooking the turkey. Mom had one in her freezer and Marcel made that along with stuffing and gravy. Everyone loved it. Mom would have loved that we used her bird ..."use it up" she would say. Don't want to waste anything in the Hurlburt household. Amanda made the mashed potatoes, a casserole, and some desserts. Patience made several of Mom's special treats for everyone; peanut butter balls, rice crispy treats, and fudge (Mom loved fudge). She really took on Gram's role of making some of her incredible goodies, and that was special. And delicious too, Gram would have been proud!! Other people brought things too.
Everything went as well as could be expected, there were 18 people there which was nice. Lots of food and great to have family around. I managed to make it until all the food was on the table and as I stood in front of the stove, I just stopped working and felt overcome with sadness. It was obvious to me at that point that Mom was not there and that there is a gaping hole in the day. I was able to walk away without being seen and have a little crying moment in the bathroom. Enough to release some of the pain and go back out to the porch.
After almost everyone had left, I took the arrangement down to the cemetery to put on her grave. I stayed for about 20 minutes and really cried. The arrangement looked very nice there and I have to say that she has the loveliest grave in the cemetery. We make sure that hers is the most beautiful for a wonderful and loving Mom.
I posted the other day that I was glad that Thanksgiving was over and that was all that I could say. And it is true. And I got to thinking about what it really means to be thankful. Of course I am thankful for all I have in my life, that is a given. But I thought about what I was thankful about when I think of Mom. And this is what I came up with:
I am so thankful that I was born to Catherine Josephine Cormier Hurlburt.
I am thankful that Mom was young enough when she had me that she was able to be a very cool Mom in not only my eyes, but my friends as well.
I am thankful that she let me be me and supported everything that I chose to do.
I am thankful that she taught me how NOT to take myself too serious and to laugh at myself when appropriate.
I am thankful that she showed me what compassion is and why it is important to be a compassionate person.
I am thankful that she practiced loving her children unconditionally and without judgement because we learned by her example to love our children that way too.
I am thankful that she did the same with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
I am thankful that she showed me why it is important to be a giving person with your time, money, and energy.
I am thankful that she taught her children what family is about and why it is important to keep the ties strong; we are able to put that lesson to use now.
I am thankful that she was with us for nearly 76 years of life.
I am thankful that I moved here nearly 7 years ago and was either able to spend every day visiting her or talking with her on the phone.
I am thankful that she showed us what strength is...because we all need to call upon that one often now.
I am thankful that she taught me that the simple things in life are often the most precious.
I am thankful and proud that she is my mother and I love her.
I recently remembered something that I had given to my Mom and Dad about 23-24 years ago when Russ and I were just married only a couple of years. We were broke as a young couple and Mom and Dad's anniversary was coming up. I was not sure what I could get them that was special AND what I could afford. So I did the best thing that I could and I wrote something to them. And here is an excerpt of it:
Happy Anniversary
Mom: What energy you have. Sometimes I get so tired just looking at you, never mind trying to keep up with you. And you're such a fun person to be around, always so excited about new things, different holidays, and especially how very proud of your children you are, who in return I can say "WE" are so proud of you for being our mother, putting up with everything that kids do when they're growing up-but always standing by us throughout everything. Keeping us on the straight and narrow. You're such a beautiful lady too! Those sparkling eyes (that I can say thank you for I have the same eyes), wonderful smile that could warm the heart of anyone, but most important, warms the heart of your children and your husband as well. I love you for everything you've done for us and I'm sure everything you keep right on doing.
I found this letter that I had written to them in her box where all of her important papers are located; birth certificates, baptisms and wedding certificates. I found a photocopy of it too. That photocopy means to me that that simple act of writing these feelings down to her meant the world to her. That it meant so much in fact that she wanted to have copies of it around. And it gives me comfort to know that it meant that much to her.
It's the simple things Debra, that's what I now say and practice. It is time with family. The love we all feel for each other and our family. And it is the ability to continue to enjoy being with each other. These are the key elements.
Now isn't that simple! Thanks Mom for continuing to teach me. You are the best!!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
For the Love of Family
Yesterday, November 13th was a beautiful Fall day. I was able to go outside and do some yard work. I have not been up to doing that in a long time, and my gardens sure looked like they had been neglected. And I thought of Mom most of the time. And I think back to when my Mom lost her Mom, my Grandmother. She was about my age now. She was so strong during that time. She seemed to pick herself right back up, never skip a beat. I am not sure how she did it, I think that part of it was that she was from an era that you just kept going. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. I cannot do that. I am not strong like her.
I am still so crushed by this loss. What is wrong with me? I thought I was so strong and independent; thought I was just like her. But come to find out her strength surpassed me. She is such a force.
I remember my Grandmother's funeral. I remember my Mother before and after Grandma's death; my mother kept it together. She helped her sister, my Aunt Irene, with the funeral preparations; she helped take care of her father, Shirl Ovitt, when he was left alone after Gram died. I remember coming to Vermont to visit my family and my mother would go get my Grandfather at his house in East Middlebury to bring him over to have dinner with her. Then she would take him home. I remember saying to her how do you do this and work and sleep and keep your house and, and, and... And she responded that this is her father and she loved him and it is what she wanted to do and what was right. She helped take good care of him after my Grandmother passed. I appreciated that then, and I appreciate AND understand it now.
We have a great video somewhere here of my Grandfather Shirl spending Christmas at our house after Gram died. He was a such a funny guy. I can see why Mom wanted him around so much. I get what my mother did and I respect her so much for what she did.
But the strength that she had, just blows me away. I think back and just am humbled:
She had 5 children in six years. She worked to the day for each of them. She was working at the old Topp's Restaurant in Middlebury (now where Breadloaf Construction is located) when she had my oldest brother, Earl. She told me that she was cleaning up while in labor with him. She went to the hospital AFTER she was done with her work. She came home after each child was born and went pretty much right back to work. No questions, no discussion, that just what you did. She raised her family well and that is why her children have such a work ethic because of her and my Dad. Nothing is for free and if you want something you gotta work for it she would say.
She also worked very hard in her and Dad's vegetable garden. It was the most incredible garden. At the time, we didn't think it was the most incredible garden; trust me, we hated it. That was because we HAD to do chores. We had to help with all the work of planting a garden; from laying down fertilizer, to tilling, to planting, to watering, to weeding, to picking, to help canning, to putting it to bed in the Fall. And the garden was huge. The garden took up most of what is their backyard right now. The food that was produced was what we ate for the winter. So we had to have a good garden. There is this picture of us standing in front of the garden; what a riot, we all look like some rag-a-muffin kids. We all laugh so much when we see that picture. Mom did too. She knew what we went through in our younger years. But that's just the way it was.
As I was the youngest, and when all the other kids were in school, I was able to go with my mother to where she worked. I was very lucky, I was able to see what she did everyday. I was able to be with her everyday before I was in school. That was a very precious time for me. She would take me and I would help her with her work. Then she would let me watch a little TV and get me some kinda treat. When I was older and in high school, I was able to ride to high school and back with Mom after she got out of work. I would go shopping with her everyday after work at Greg's, actually it was Stan's Market then; Stan Stefanski.
When I graduated from High School, I was engaged (too young stupid girl) and my mother, although never said don't do it said instead, "...you know, you really should live with someone before you marry them, you never really know someone til you live with them." Well I did then live with him and soon after moved out. She was so right. I then moved to Rochester, NY, because of someone special in my life. She too never said anything negative but always supported my decisions. I was very young now that I look back at that time. I had nothing then, no money, no car. I walked everywhere and live with the most minimal of things. I called one day and said that I wanted to move back home. So the very next day she drove 7 hours to pick me up with my Dad, then we turned around and drove 7 hours back. I will never forget what she had done for me then. And I will never forget what she has done for me in my life.
I guess that is why I am so crushed by the loss of her. I can never give back everything that I believe I owe her. Even though I know exactly what she would say..."you kids have given me so much and that I am so blessed with you."
So history repeats itself. I will help take care of my father with my family and make sure that he is taken care of because this is my father and that I love him and it is what I want to do and what is right.
I get it Mom, you were right. Thank you again, and again, and again...
I am still so crushed by this loss. What is wrong with me? I thought I was so strong and independent; thought I was just like her. But come to find out her strength surpassed me. She is such a force.
I remember my Grandmother's funeral. I remember my Mother before and after Grandma's death; my mother kept it together. She helped her sister, my Aunt Irene, with the funeral preparations; she helped take care of her father, Shirl Ovitt, when he was left alone after Gram died. I remember coming to Vermont to visit my family and my mother would go get my Grandfather at his house in East Middlebury to bring him over to have dinner with her. Then she would take him home. I remember saying to her how do you do this and work and sleep and keep your house and, and, and... And she responded that this is her father and she loved him and it is what she wanted to do and what was right. She helped take good care of him after my Grandmother passed. I appreciated that then, and I appreciate AND understand it now.
We have a great video somewhere here of my Grandfather Shirl spending Christmas at our house after Gram died. He was a such a funny guy. I can see why Mom wanted him around so much. I get what my mother did and I respect her so much for what she did.
But the strength that she had, just blows me away. I think back and just am humbled:
She had 5 children in six years. She worked to the day for each of them. She was working at the old Topp's Restaurant in Middlebury (now where Breadloaf Construction is located) when she had my oldest brother, Earl. She told me that she was cleaning up while in labor with him. She went to the hospital AFTER she was done with her work. She came home after each child was born and went pretty much right back to work. No questions, no discussion, that just what you did. She raised her family well and that is why her children have such a work ethic because of her and my Dad. Nothing is for free and if you want something you gotta work for it she would say.
She also worked very hard in her and Dad's vegetable garden. It was the most incredible garden. At the time, we didn't think it was the most incredible garden; trust me, we hated it. That was because we HAD to do chores. We had to help with all the work of planting a garden; from laying down fertilizer, to tilling, to planting, to watering, to weeding, to picking, to help canning, to putting it to bed in the Fall. And the garden was huge. The garden took up most of what is their backyard right now. The food that was produced was what we ate for the winter. So we had to have a good garden. There is this picture of us standing in front of the garden; what a riot, we all look like some rag-a-muffin kids. We all laugh so much when we see that picture. Mom did too. She knew what we went through in our younger years. But that's just the way it was.
As I was the youngest, and when all the other kids were in school, I was able to go with my mother to where she worked. I was very lucky, I was able to see what she did everyday. I was able to be with her everyday before I was in school. That was a very precious time for me. She would take me and I would help her with her work. Then she would let me watch a little TV and get me some kinda treat. When I was older and in high school, I was able to ride to high school and back with Mom after she got out of work. I would go shopping with her everyday after work at Greg's, actually it was Stan's Market then; Stan Stefanski.
When I graduated from High School, I was engaged (too young stupid girl) and my mother, although never said don't do it said instead, "...you know, you really should live with someone before you marry them, you never really know someone til you live with them." Well I did then live with him and soon after moved out. She was so right. I then moved to Rochester, NY, because of someone special in my life. She too never said anything negative but always supported my decisions. I was very young now that I look back at that time. I had nothing then, no money, no car. I walked everywhere and live with the most minimal of things. I called one day and said that I wanted to move back home. So the very next day she drove 7 hours to pick me up with my Dad, then we turned around and drove 7 hours back. I will never forget what she had done for me then. And I will never forget what she has done for me in my life.
I guess that is why I am so crushed by the loss of her. I can never give back everything that I believe I owe her. Even though I know exactly what she would say..."you kids have given me so much and that I am so blessed with you."
So history repeats itself. I will help take care of my father with my family and make sure that he is taken care of because this is my father and that I love him and it is what I want to do and what is right.
I get it Mom, you were right. Thank you again, and again, and again...
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