My Birth Day

Happy Birthday. 

Well today is my 52 birthday.  It is my first birthday without my Mom.  Another first.

Mom would always call me on my birthday and get me a card.  I have kept all my cards.  I just pulled out ones from the last few years.  She was so sweet and thoughtful.  I even found one that she gave to me that had two dogs on the front.  I opened it up and it was signed "Love, Kiera and Dakota"  Kiera is her German Shepard dog and Dakota is my German Shepard dog.  She would do things like that.  Very thoughtful.  She loved animals so much and thought that they had such wonderful personalities and that they should be treated as equally as people.  I do too.

I will miss getting my card from her today.  My Mother loved to give, to make people smile and try to make them happy. Mom loved to make her children happy.  It meant the world to her to give her children what she could.   I know that it meant more to her to give me something, to give her children something, than to get anything in return.  She always got such pleasure in the giving.  She didn't so much like the getting, it was never about her.  And that is what giving should always be about.  A lesson.

I remember too, the story of my birth.  Mom got a charge out of telling me about it.  To me, births are really the story of mothers and their strength.  I think that a birthday should be celebrated to not only honor the child but also to honor the mother.  Mother's have great strength.  I knew someone (a mother) that received flowers from the father at every one of their children's birthdays because he knew what a special day that is for women. 

But this is my birth story and it is a pretty cool story.  Mom starting by telling me that because I was her 5th child, the delivery was fast, really fast.  So the story goes that Dad took her to the hospital on October 8, 1958 and left her with the nurses as was usual protocol back then.  Back in the day, fathers didn't go in the delivery room to experience the whole birthing process.  She said that fathers just dropped you off and either left or went to a waiting room.  Dad decided to go home because he thought that it would be a while.  Once Dad got home, he called the hospital to check on Mom and see how she was doing.  The nurse told Dad, "Well, Mr. Hurlburt your wife gave birth ever before you had left the hospital.   It took about 10 minutes."  She actually gave birth to me before she reached the delivery room.  Well as Mom told it, Dad was glad about that because on his way home he had a flat tire.  That would have been an interesting addition to the story.  But I love this story.  It is a pretty exciting story to tell.

I am sitting here on my couch this morning and am considering how to spend the day.  I know that I will go to the cemetery to see Mom and to talk with her a bit.  To thank her for being a great Mom, and to celebrate my birth with her.  I know that she will be on my mind, in most of my thoughts today.  I would really love to get a sign from Mom today, that would be a the best birthday present ever. 

I got several birthday cards today wishing me a happy birthday and to "stay strong" (I am trying so hard), and that "she is with you".  I don't know what that means.  Does that mean she is here with me spiritually or that I have much of her in me.  I don't understand.  How do people move forward?  It is so slow and painful.

I want to celebrate my day of birth with as much happiness that I can muster.  I want to think of Mom where she is now, in a place of beauty, surrounded by friends and family since passed.  Laughing her infectious laugh and making people so comfortable and at ease where she is.  I want to hear her laughing in my head from the joy that was her life. 

My birth is not just a celebration of my life but a celebration of my Mother's strength, caring, beauty and loving self.  Happy birthday to me, thank you Mom.  You make me a better person for all that you were and all that you gave me.  I guess that is the best birthday gift of all.  I love you.