Mother's Day...
You are my mother, Catherine Josephine Cormier Hurlburt (8-10). I am your daughter, Debra Ann Hurlburt (10-8). Our birth days form a circle that is infinite 8-10-10-8, they are connected.
I love that you are my mother. I am proud to say that you are my mother. I see myself in you, my mother. I love and miss you more than you can ever know, my mother. My life is richer because you are my mother.
I honor you Mom, in so many ways as this is the day to honor our mothers; the ones who do the hard work, make the difficult choices, and who always, ALWAYs, love their children no matter what.
But I miss you Mom, so much. This day, of all big days that lead up to a big event, birthday, Christmas, any family time, has been the hardest one for me. I can't seem to stop crying.
I was at your house pretty much most of the day yesterday, 7-5 taking care of Dad (he is not so good). He is very sad and lonely, and we all try our best to make him happy but since coming home from the hospital, he just seems more sad.
I was getting your house ready for springtime, weeding your flowerbeds (your flowerbed by the driveway, by the way, is so beautiful this year, I see that you added tulips last year, and they have really flourished this year, very full). Grace helped me weed and she kept putting the worms back in the dirt telling me that they are good for gardens (it's in our blood, this gardening). I filled the hummingbird feeders and not a few hours later, did one of your hummingbirds return. I told Dad that a hummingbird was back and that you loved them, and he smiled and said "yeah".
Marcel Paul and Marie were there to fix the garage roof because last fall, in one of our really bad storms, the shingles were torn off. He has been a saint Mom, fixing stuff at Gramps, coming over one night a week to make dinner for him and staying with him til he is in bed. But I know you know that! Yesterday, Paul told me that he saw a Baltimore Oriole in your big tree by the garage, and that the bird was singing to a mate across the meadow. You would have been so excited, because you used to tell me how much you loved them but never got them at your house :(
And your Rose-breasted Grosbeak is back. God, they are so beautiful. Mine is back too, I don't know if it is yours and he goes back and forth between the two houses but it is so great to have him back. And your Goldfinches are so bright yellow and the feeders are full of them. Of course, the nasty red squirrels are back and the gray squirrels hang upside down on the feeders too. But you were always so kind to them, you would say "they have to eat too", whereas I would always send Dakota out there to shoo them away. You house is flourishing with birds, so many. You would have been so happy to see them all.
My black bear is back so I had to stop feeding the birds for a while but Russ and I decided that we would bring the garbage can that we put the bird seed in, in our basement. We can feed the birds but take down the feeders at night. And how we know the bear is back, while we were in New Zealand, Chris was housesitting and told Patience that he was on the couch and heard something outside. So he looked out or turned on the porch light and saw the bear on the deck like before. I guess Chris jumped a bit cause it is a little disconcerting to be on one side of the glass french doors and a big ole black bear on the other. He ate all the bird seed in the aluminum garbage can (it was half full!!) We really miss having the birds around and it is a big emotional withdrawal when we don't have them. You got me hooked Mom.
It seems that you have sent all of your regular birds to your house, and many new ones that usually didn't come to see us. It is so nice to see, but it reminds me of all that I have lost. And everything that I miss.
Several days ago I was out in my meadow fixing my Bluebird houses because they are back and looking to nest. This one house had its roof torn off somehow so I went out to fix it. There was a stump on the ground in front of it so after I nailed the roof back on, I decided to stand on this stump (about 1 1/2 foot in diameter) to hammer down the post as it was leaning over. As I stood on the stump and hit the first blow to the post, the stump rolled totally out from under me because I didn't realize that the stump was on its round side, not on the flat end. My legs flew straight out and it was like I was totally horizontal. I had no way of catching myself as I fell, it was so quick. I landed full force on my back on this stump and my head flew back (whiplash like) but never hit anything.
This reminds me of you. I see myself in you. I remember the times, yes times, that you had fallen and you cracked a rib (each time). You would have tripped going up or down the stairs or fallen somehow and you would tell me and I would get so mad cause I was so afraid of what could happen to you. I know I was just really scared of something happening to you. I would tell you that you needed to be careful and you would always just smile at me and said "yah, I know". Now I know how you felt, it is so easy to do. I was sore for a few days but had a feeling that you were there protecting me so I didn't get hurt. Thank you. You have always been there for me. No matter what. You ARE truly the best mother that there is, hands down.
Yesterday, I mowed the front half of your lawn, across the road and the front and side of the house. The grass was getting so tall. I know that you would have wanted it done right away. I remember you would sometimes comment on lawns that aren't mowed till the grass is tall and then, when it is mowed, it looks worse than before. You'd say, "that lawn looks terrible". And I knew the ones you were talking about (our secret Mom). We would agree on that. That makes me smile a little. But it was difficult to be on your tractor, I thought of you the entire time. What you'd be doing today and how much work you would get done outside. I think I had tears in my eyes the entire time. It made me very say...
You kept your lawn and gardens so beautiful. You NEVER liked being in the house the minute the weather changed. You were always outside as often as you could to spend time mowing, or weeding or clipping or doing something. You just never stopped. You impressed me then and you impress me all the more now. I am in total awe of all that you did and all that you continue to do through your kids. You lawn ALWAYS looked so beautiful. I know that being outside was very therapeutic for you too. It was a way for you to relax. The earth and the outdoors gave you energy and happiness. I guess I am much like that too, cause you will find me always doing the outdoor work before I do the indoor work.
I am going to go over to your house tonight because I have dinner tonight with Dad and I am going to try to clean out your vegetable garden to get that ready to plant this spring. I remember last year at this time, we were both talking about getting our gardens ready and you said that yours was all cleaned out but I said that I have to do mine soon but I am so busy. The next afternoon, while I was at work, you came over and totally cleaned out my whole garden of weeds. I was flabbergasted. Here you were, 75, difficult for you to do this work and you cleaned my whole garden out. Well, I will pay you back now Mom. I am going to clean out your vegetable garden and get it ready for spring planting. You ARE the best mother there ever was. God, how I miss you.
Today, I will visit you at the cemetery to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you. I will also tell you what an impact you have left on my life, and what an incredible role model you have been to me. And to tell you that there never was a better mother in this whole world. There should have been a mold made of you. If there was, our world would have been a much better place to live.
I am also going to go down to the cemetery to put the black wrought-iron plant holder up and put the flowers that I bought for you on them. I hope that the hummingbirds find their way down there to visit with you. I know you would smile at that.
I believe that Mother's Day is made in YOUR honor...You are a truly wonderful mother. And I can't thank you enough for all that you did for me. I love you. And as Patience and I would say, to the moon and back.
